A Simple Diversion
by renrenren3
Summary: Komui is worried sick because Lenalee isn't home. Allen has an idea... Contains underage drinking. Characters are Lavi, Allen, Kanda, Komui. No pairings unless you squint.


Lavi's fingers slowly undo the buttons on his shirt. He pauses for a moment, not quite willing to take it off.

"What's the problem?" Allen asks with a smirk that doesn't quite match his innocent tone. "Do you need me to help?"

"I'm fine," Lavi mutters, pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it on the floor to join his scarf and some other discarded garments.

Damn Sprout.

How could he have gotten into such a situation?

---

He had never before retained the same identity for so long, so he never had any place to call home.

However in the last couple of years he'd somehow gotten used to being Lavi. It was a strange feeling. The Black Order had become, in a way, his home.

"Finally we're back!" he said, stretching his arms. "Yuu, you could at least try not to look so sour..."

Beside him, the taller exorcist frowned. "Stop calling me that," he said, though at least he didn't immediately draw his sword.

It had been a long mission and their constant bickering hadn't helped. Only Lenalee's presence had stopped Kanda from skewering Lavi along with the Akuma.

Thinking of Lenalee reminded Lavi of something. "That's right, we've got to tell the supervisor before..."

"Lenaleeee!" came Komui's voice from the hallway, closely followed by the man himself. "You're back!"

Komui halted before the two exorcists, craning his neck to see behind their backs. "Lenalee?" he repeated, a bit uncertainly.

"Ah, Komui," Lavi said. His smile faltered. "About that... er..."

Too late. Before Lavi could add anything, Komui grabbed Kanda by the shoulders.

"Where is Lenalee?" he yelled.

---

The room is cold, and the fact that they're sitting cross-legged on the stone floor doesn't help.

Lavi helps himself to another gulp of liquor from the glass next to his knee. Some part of his brain has carefully filed away just how much he has drank tonight, but at the moment Lavi decides not to care.

Allen refills Lavi's glass and then his own. He has been drinking heavily as well, but he doesn't seem any less sober than usual. Then again, Lavi had always suspected that the kid's stomach worked in a different way than those of other humans.

As for Kanda...

---

Kanda glared at Komui and his hand flew to the hilt of his sword. Lavi hastily put himself between the two of them.

"Lenalee is fine, really," he quickly said. "We completed the mission, but something came up. She had to make a short detour to London, she'll be back by tomorrow."

The anguished look on Komui's face would have been almost comical if Lavi hadn't remembered the several accidents involving his sister and giant robots. "You mean you left my Lenalee all alone?" he asked in a strangled voice.

Lavi sighed. He'd known that Komui would have this reaction. He'd told Lenalee as much when they'd been asked to deliver a letter to someone in the capital and she had volunteered to go on her own.

"It will be quicker if I go alone," Lenalee had pointed out. "With my Dark Boots I can make it to London by tonight, and I'll join you two at the Order tomorrow."

She had a point, of course, and Kanda didn't care either way, so they had watched Lenalee speed away southwards and then started the long trek towards HQ.

"My little sister," Komui moaned, his lower lip trembling. "Quick, we need to put together a rescue team!"

He turned around, waving frantically at the finders and researchers that milled the hall.

Lavi groaned. "I said she's not in any danger," he said. He was tired and hungry and not in the mood for the usual Black Order craziness. He turned to Kanda. "You tell him as well..."

---

Kanda can't hold alcohol. You wouldn't be able to tell by his frozen face, but after only one glass of liquor he was probably already drunk.

After all, Lavi thinks with a smirk, why else would he accept Allen's proposal to play strip poker?

"Bring on the next round," Kanda says, his tone as solemn as if he was about to face a hundred Akuma. Of course, Allen Walker with a deck of cards in his hands is probably much more fearful, but Lavi thinks Kanda's composure is admirable. Even though his hands aren't quite firm as usual, and he constantly fumbles with his cards.

He's been losing consistently, and at the moment he's down to his shirt and boxer shorts. Lavi is happy that someone at least is faring worse than him.

---

"Welcome back!"

Lavi turned to see a smiling Allen Walker waving at them. "Lavi, Kanda, how was your journey?" he asked. "Wasn't Lenalee with you?" he added before Lavi could say anything.

Komui turned a desperate face towards Allen. "_Those two,_" he declared, pointing an accusatory finger, "have _abandoned_ my sister!"

The redhead groaned inwardly.

Allen looked puzzled. "A-abandoned?" he repeated, uncertainly. "What do you mean?"

"We didn't abandon her," Lavi tried to explain, but Komui cut him off.

"Allen, you're my only hope," he said, grabbing Allen by the arm. "Please! You need to rescue Lenalee!"

Allen's eyes went from Komui who was on the verge of tears, to Lavi who was unsure whether to laugh or cry, to Kanda who was staring at the ceiling and pretending he wasn't there. "Is this some joke?" he whispered to Lavi.

Lavi shook his head and shrugged. "Lenalee will be back tomorrow," he mouthed, taking care that Komui didn't hear. "The supervisor's acting crazy again."

Allen gulped. "Is he going to destroy the Order again?" he asked. "Like when...?"

Even without being a Bookman, Lavi remembered those events only too well. "We need a distraction!" he hissed.

"What are you muttering?" Komui asked suspiciously, suddenly aware of the whispered conversation around him. Lavi and Allen gave him their most innocent smile.

---

Allen is, of course, still fully clothed.

Almost fully clothed, Lavi corrects himself. He lost one round only, and even then it was because Komui had suddenly fallen forward knocking Allen's cards out of his hands and letting Lavi have a glimpse of them.

So Allen had taken off his tie. Lavi doesn't think it's fair - a ribbon like that hardly counts as a piece of clothing - but arguing would have required him to talk. He's not sure he still has full control over his tongue.

Lavi squints and stares at the cards in his hand, trying to remember if aces are a good or bad thing to have.

---

Getting Komui drunk had been Allen's idea.

At first Lavi had stared at him as if he was mad. "You've got to be kidding me," he exclaimed, and Allen frantically motioned for him to lower his voice to keep Komui from hearing.

"How would that help?" Lavi insisted. "He's already this crazy when he's sober, who's to say what he'll do if we make him drink?"

Allen shrugged. "A long time ago, my master told me that after just a few glasses Komui falls asleep and doesn't wake up until the next day," he explained. He had that peculiar expression he always wore when he talked about Cross Marian.

Lavi sighed and watched Komui yelling at Kanda. If they didn't do something soon, in some way or other blood would be shed. "Let's do it."

The plan was simplicity itself. They somehow persuaded Komui to retreat to his room, under the excuse of "an emergency Lenalee-rescue strategy meeting". The most difficult part was getting Kanda to come along as well, since Komui insisted that it was also his fault Lenalee was in dire peril. Lavi suspected Kanda was only keeping an eye on Komui so he could kill him before the activation of more Komurins.

Still, he gave a sigh of relief when he closed the door behind the four of them. Allen had somehow conjured a bottle of liquor out of thin air. Lavi regarded it interrogatively.

"Cross's lessons again," Allen replied with a shrug, as he poured Komui a glass. "Here," he said with a smile. "To help calm your nerves."

So far so good, Lavi thought watching Komui draining the glass. With some luck the supervisor would get drunk, fall asleep and stop threating the peace and quiet of the Black Order. Then Lavi could finally get some sleep himself without worrying that his bedroom would blow up.

Of course, there was a snag in the plan.

---

It's Kanda's turn, but he's taking forever to play.

"Hurry up, Yuu," Lavi mumbles. If he has to wait any longer, he'll forget what he was planning to do. What was he planning to do, anyway? Discarding the card with many little diamonds, he decides. For no reason other than he can't quite figure out how many diamonds there are. Maybe eight, or nine, or twenty. The number keeps changing every time Lavi tries to count them.

"Yuu," he calls again, then realizes that Kanda is completely ignoring him. Has he finally stopped taking offence at the casual use of his first name?

Allen leans forward, shaking Kanda's shoulder. "I think," he declares eventually. "That he's fallen asleep."

---

They'd somehow ended up drinking as well.

It was just pretense at first as they tried to talk Komui into having "just one more glass", but that had quickly precipitated.

As Allen recalled a bit too late, "a few glasses" was quite a subjective thing. In the case of Cross Marian, "a few" equaled roughly twenty or thirty.

Before the three exorcists realized that, they were already drunk. Lavi thought it would have been hilarious if they had managed to collapse before their intended victim. Then again, for some reason he found everything hilarious. The way Kanda kept trying acting cool even as his face turned more and more pink, the ramblings of the supervisor becoming even less understandable than usual, Allen's sudden idea of playing strip poker. It was all too funny.

He wondered if the others were finding him equally hilarious.

Lavi knew that he was playing a dangerous game, and not only because in the morning Kanda was likely to murder them all. The old panda would get into a fit if he knew what was going on. "Lavi" was just a mask that he was wearing, the old man would say. He mustn't forget that. He couldn't afford to lose control, or he'd risk saying something that the other exorcists weren't meant to know.

However, somehow, this time Lavi didn't care.

Granted, that was probably the alcohol doing the thinking for him, but still...

He was half-naked, barely able to sit up straight and his current cards were the worst he'd seen all night. And he was feeling completely comfortable.

He grinned and set down his cards in front of him. He kept grinning even as Allen proceeded to trump his pitiful two pair with yet another straight flush.

---

Lavi's head feels as if someone has sawed off the top and extracted his brain. Possibly replacing it with sawdust. Opening his eyes is not a viable option. Either he's wearing two eyepatches, or the muscles of his eyelids aren't working properly.

His first attempt at getting up fails because something very heavy is lodged over his arm. His back is also hurting, and he feels rather cold. Just where has he been sleeping anyway?

With great effort he manages to crack one eye open. The heavy thing that's blocking the circulation in his arm turns up to be Allen's head, who's sleeping quite peacefully. Komui and Kanda are also still sleeping, in various states of nakedness. Lavi is still trying to put some order into his thoughts when there's a knock on the door. It's as if someone is knocking directly over his brain. Someone is saying something. A woman's voice?

The door opens, bumping against Komui's leg, and Lenalee enters.

"Brother, I'm... oh!" she exclaims, taking in the rather dismal scene in front of her. Lavi is privately thankful that at least they're all still wearing their underwear.

"Just what's going on here?" Lenalee asks, shaking Komui's shoulder. "Really, you're hopeless! This wouldn't have happened if I was here..."

No, Lavi thinks. It wouldn't have. He grins.

"Welcome home, Lenalee."


End file.
